Single, No Chaser.

Saw him on a date…awkward!!! June 30, 2009

I saw the cyber-flirt boy on a date this past Saturday. I figured he was dating other people, but it was so weird seeing him out with a girl…talking to her like he talks to me when we have lunch or dinner together.

I know that I hadn’t given him all of my heart. Part of it belonged to my firefighter. I wanted to like him, but there was just something holding me back.

The minute the firefighter asked me to be with him, I told myself, without a second thought, that I wasn’t going to communicate with the other guys I had dated anymore. Mr. Flirt included. 

I know that me and Mr. Flirt were just dating, that we never decided that it should be exclusive. It was just awkward more than anything. 

Me and my best friend Naomi were out shopping in San Antonio and decided to grab a bite to eat.

We walked in the restaurant, I saw him in my peripheral vision, and I panicked and rushed out of the restaurant. I don’t know why I panicked, but I seriously did. My hands were shaking and my heart was beating fast. I didn’t cry. I wasn’t sad. I just didn’t want him to see me, seeing him out with another girl. If that makes any sense…which it probably doesn’t. All I know is that I wanted to get the hell out of there before he saw me. 

He didn’t see me, thank goodness. 

I text him about 15 minutes minutes later, asking him what he was up to. I was curious to see what his response would be. Maye he was having lunch with a female friend.

But he lied…said he was working all day and would be out of work about 4 p.m. Not that he needs to explain himself to me, but he still lied. 

I thought, maybe it’s a friend. But after he lied, I figured she was more than a friend. Later we were walking toward a store in that area, and happened to see them leaving, shopping bags in tow. He was smiling and looking at her like he looks at me. It was weird. Maybe it was her birthday, and he takes all of his friends shopping on their birthdays. Who knows….

I didn’t tell him that I saw him. I’ve been avoiding him. I don’t know how to handle the situation. I guess the bottom line is I don’t care enough about him to make a big deal about it. But now I don’t feel gul

Cyber flirting June 29, 2009

I’ve met guys who are attention whores. Who flirt shamelessly with whoever – whatever gender – anywhere. Whether they’re alone or with their significant others.

Sure, flirting can be harmless, but I think there’s a fine line between innocent flirting and flirting with crossing that line.

The boy who was my birthday date, sent me a friend request on Facebook a few weeks ago. This was before the whole one-week-committed-exclusive-whatever-you-wanna-call-it relationship with my firefighter.

I have to admit, I didn’t go rummaging through his wall posts and photo comments as soon as I accepted the friend request. I didn’t even accept the friend request as soon as I had seen it.

But when I did start browsing through the posts on his profile, it seemed very borderline shady…almost blatantly sexual. It shocked me. Why would this guy add me as a friend knowing that I’d be able to see all of this?

Here’s an example of a conversation with a married woman (okay, I admit, I shared my discoveries with my male coworkers, who happen to know this lady’s husband. They agreed the conversations were questionable…) This one really stuck out to me…

His status on his page: “Looking forward to working out this evening so I can shake off the Monday blues!”

Her response: “I feel ya on that one “

Him: “I’m hittin’ legs today. Think we should call Mike?”

Her: “haha he won’t come.. R u going to DeZavala?”

Him: “I was planning on going to Babcock/Callaghan, but I can re-route.”

Her: “Well today is upper body for me so don’t re-route.. I could use a spot though on bench “

At first I thought, okay so he has a workout partner? What’s the big deal…but then it started getting iffy.

Him: “I got you…I’ll drip sweat on you! I’m kidding…haha! Which location?”

Her: “Only if it smells tropical LOL! DeZavala please”

Him: “HAHAHA! No soft scents for me today, boo. Somebody who doesn’t know me well might get the impression I’m playing for the other team…”

Her: “Well you always did seem to enjoy the ass pats a little too much from your teammates during football LMAO.. J/K J/K So what time you heading that way?”

Him: ”That’s why I don’t play no’ mo’! 5ish.”

Her: “HAHA! See you then sweetness “

Okay, so now that I look back and read it, it doesn’t seem so bad. And besides, that was before me and him were hanging out as much as we had been around the time of my birthday. She even left a comment on his page asking where he had been hiding, so I’d assumed he’d stopped hanging out with her so much.

Then, I nosied my way onto his page again today, and saw recent comments where he told her that she’s “the only one with legs prettier than his,” when he’s always told me I have beautiful legs. And there were pics of him hugging girls, with this hands all over their booties, telling other girls if they apply to work for him there’d be a uniform that he gets to mandate and that they’d be a welcommed distraction.

I admit, there wasn’t anything horrible, but I guess I just felt dumb, like I had fallen for the lines of a typical player/ flirt/ whatever you wanna call him.

Maybe he drops of lunch to other women and does special things for other people. I hadn’t fallen for him, but I told myself, he’s nice, why not give him a shot? He treats you really special….

Well, apparantly not. He treats lots of ladies really special. And that’s fine, do what you do.

And maybe it’s harmless, or maybe he’s just gutsy enough to let me see his page and think I would think nothing of it.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention this one: it’s the icing on the cake. We had gone shopping one day and he came out of the dressing room without his shirt on!! That was pretty much too over-the-top for me. I know he’s got a nice body, but calm down! I know the sales chick told you that you had a nice ass while I was a dressing room away, but get over yourself!

Like my good friend Chris once said, “Until you’re living with a man with a ring on ya’ll’s fingers, it’s a line!” I hope to God that’s not true, but I’ll keep it in mind just in case.

Open letter to him who knows who he is. June 29, 2009

From Art.com

I’m not the type of woman who begs. Nor am I the type of woman to apologize when she knows she’s right.

I’m the type who misses you.

That’s ironic isn’t it? When I think about what happened, I’m furious. It hurts.  Then, I’m sad again.

But I want to call or write. To hear or read your funny jokes. I need to tell you so many things that have happened these past couple of months. But I can’t, my pride is bigger than my missing you.

Pride is evil, I know. But not being able to talk to you and tell you things has helped me more than you know. Although I craved your input, I’ve had to make my own decisions now. Of course when I have, I think about what you would do or say. I guess after all this time, I want you to be proud of me.

Pride definitely is evil. But in this situation, despite how much it’s hurting me, I’m right.

Which makes me wonder…how much is this silence between us hurting you? I’m sure you’ve forgotten my existence. I can’t imagine your heart as heavy as mine. I can’t imagine you sitting on your couch wondering how I’m doing.

See, it’s that realization that lets me know I made the right decision to call it quits. Doesn’t mean I miss you any less or that I don’t wish the best for you.  Because I do. I wish you all the happiness you can handle and just enough unhappiness to make you appreciate what you have.

I miss you. And I suspect I still will until I stop breathing or … until you apologize, which will probably never happen since you’re as stubborn as I am.  

Dammit! I miss you.   And now that’s enough of that.

I’m Sexy Too…Hook Me Up on Daisy of Love June 25, 2009

By Katy Byrd 

      This friendship between Chi Chi and Sinister is getting rough! This week we start out at dinner with all of the guys (Flex, 12 Pack, Big Rig, Chi Chi, and Sinister) and of course Ricky. The dinner was a challenge where each guy had to cook a course of the meal. Things went well until Daisy asked her group of man toys who each of them was the most compatible and who was the least compatible with her. Everyone except Chi hi listed him as the least compatible and Flex was voted the most compatible overall. 

The Needy Guy 

So Chi Chi is a little needy. He needs a lot of love. He whines, and he’s a little guy.  Even Sinister stated that Chi Chi was the least compatible for Daisy which then sent Chi Chi running to the bathroom where he hid out CRYING. This is such a waste of your time. It’s like having a toddler in the house. I had a needy boyfriend once. I really want to stress the once. This type of guy is so clingy! You could meet this guy while you are out and all he will do is attach himself to your hip.  If you look really close you can see him planning your future in his mind.  Just throw your drink at him and run away. He probably wants you to spoon him.

The Stable Guy

Flex is truly the most stable guy in the house overall. If he gets mad it’s generally for a good reason. Flex is smart and really funny which will help when things get tough. It’s funny that this should be the guy we all gravitate towards but we never do. He often seems to be almost impossible to find. If he was really that easy then there would be no reason for half of the singles sites out there.  I have been lucky enough to find 2 of those in my life. I married both of them. Every asshole you meet and fall for tries his hardest to be this guy. At least they try to be in your eyes. Guys generally have a game plan when they go out looking for their next conquest. This guy is totally relaxed about it. If some guy hits on you he wouldn’t just beat the crap out of him. He would be a gentleman first THEN smash his face in. This guy has a regular job that pays his bills. If you are lucky he makes enough to pay yours also which will be important if you want to get married and have babies

 You might ask where 12 Pack comes in. Well he has now requested that Daisy call him “Dave” because I guess that’s his name. After dinner everyone is hanging out by the fire. Daisy ends up in her bedroom kissing and talking with “Dave” and Sinister gets all bent out of shape because he wanted to play tonsil hockey with her. So Sinister throws a huge tantrum and eventually makes Daisy cry. Wow what an idiot.  

The Immature Guy

Sinister is so the immature guy who still hangs out with his best friend everyday and basically just acts like a kid all the time.  When Sinister has gotten upset he doesn’t communicate his problem like an adult he yells, bangs on things, slams doors shut multiple times, and acts like a child. Well guess what. That is exactly what he will act like if he doesn’t get his own way in life. No wonder he and Chi Chi get along so well. This guy never keeps a steady job for long. He hangs out on the couch with his buddies all day long eating all the food you cooked and no he will not clean up his mess. Want to avoid all of that? You can gauge this guy by his sense of humor. If he laughs at middle school level humor then that’s how you spot him. He will never discuss the lack of civil rights in Iran or whether or not health care should be socialized. 

Flex won the challenge at dinner and won a date with Daisy the next day.  They learned a little archery which I thought was pretty cool. It went well and Flex had a very good conversation with Daisy. Unfortunately for Daisy She had to go on a date with Chi Chi and Big Rig the next day. Big Rig copped this attitude with Chi Chi and came off as being a little overly aggressive and maybe violent. Chi Chi just spoke in his quiet little way about how he was there for Daisy and how he only wanted to be there for her.  Ugh! I want this friendship issue over with!   

The Guy Who Throws Things When He Gets Mad

So Big Rig has thrown a few things when he has gotten angry. I am in no way condoning that behavior. I think that in the last two episodes we have seen how well Big Rig handles pressure. I would much rather handle someone who hits a wall as opposed to a person but obviously he needs to find another outlet for his anger. I think that Big Rig is more in control than Cage was. If you want to avoid this guy then just avoid guys who have a lot of drama in their life. I think that when there is just so much drama and a person is pushed to extreme limits of anger and frustration all the time this becomes the way they handle every stressful situation.  This guy will beat the shit out of some guy who hits on you in a bar. Be very careful about what you communicate to this guy. You don’t want to give him a reason to go to jail for fighting or maybe even something more serious 

Ultimately Big Rig went home this week. I can agree with that decision. Daisy just didn’t love him. Big Rig cried which was unfortunate and quite frankly very unattractive.  Next week there is a special guest returning. I think its Fox but we will see…. Love you all! 

XOXO

The beginning of the end… June 19, 2009

I blame no one but myself. 

More than six months ago, when I first went out with my Firefighter, after hinting at him for four months that I was interested, I was so happy. We had so much fun. I thought, “Finally, this is going to happen.” That was the beginning of a horrible, waste of time, not even real relationship. 

Then, the next day, he told me he didn’t want a relationship. My hopes for a chance between us were crushed. I felt like an idiot for thinking that he was just a shy guy playing hard to get. He just plain didn’t want me. 

Then, the next six months were a roller coaster of ups and downs. I dated other people, but I wanted him. 

Last week, when he confessed that he had dated and slept with another girl, and begged me to give him a chance, and cried on my shoulder, I thought, “Maybe now he’ll appreciate me after dealing with this psycho girl. Finally.”

We were finally in a committed relationship. 

Last night, I already caught him lying to me. 

He blew me off after I got out of work. I had invited him to dinner via text, and he never responded. Being a guy who always has his phone on him, I knew something was wrong. But not wanting to be a “crazy chick,” I waited for him to call me back. He never did. 

So a few hours later, I called him. No answer. I knew, deep down, like I have in all of my past relationships that have gone bad, that something was wrong. 

This next part is very humiliating, and I’m mad at myself for even stooping to this level. When this guy was freaking begging me to be with him, he told me, “Amanda, if you don’t trust me, you can call me every night. You can pop by my house whenever you want. I don’t care. I will never lie to you again.”

So I did what he said and drove by his house…I know! So juvenile. So psychotic. Such a waste of time. But I did it. I passed by once, and noticed that his truck was there, but his car wasn’t. I called again, and it rang twice then went straight to voicemail. I couldn’t believe that mother effer hit the ignore button on me!

He finally called me about 30 minutes later, and lied through his teeth to me for 20 minutes straight. “I was at the car wash in my truck. Before that I was in the garage putting together my lawnmower.” 

And the best one, “I’m not a liar Amanda. I don’t know why you don’t believe me.”

It was like reliving the nightmare of my cheating college boyfriend who was so good at lying to me and making me feel crazy and paranoid.

After calmly waiting for him to tell me the truth, I was so mad that he thought I was dumb enough to believe his crap. I asked him to please tell me the truth, that I was the last person in the world who would judge him – which he shoulda known after I took him back. So, even though I knew I shouldn’t have, I finally told him how I knew he was lying. I wanted him to feel like a jerk for lying to me, and I wanted him to know that I knew for a fact that he was lying. 

He went silent after I told him I had seen his truck in the driveway. His tell-tale giveaway that he’s been caught. 

He admitted he “had been at the mall” with his “friend Jenna who was having a crisis about her boyfriend.” I didn’t even hear the rest. Every word that came out of his mouth after that was trash to me. 

I told him I was done. 

I felt like that same idiot I did in January after the first night we hung out and then he turned around and told me he didn’t want a relationship. 

He went from asking me to move with him to California a week ago, to not wanting to rush into calling me his girlfriend because of his F-up to lying to me and avoiding me. What the hell is that about? And my dumbass even considered moving away with him in a few months. I thought my dreams of one day moving to California were going to happen sooner than I thought, and with a man I’m in love with. And now this. How quickly it unravelled. 

This entire year, I’ve been giving him chances, and wondering what it would be that would finally be the final straw. That was it. Me not trusting him to the point where I felt that I had to drive by his house. I did that with my ex when I was younger, and it was so dumb and such a waste of time. I told my firefighter that I was done. I cried this morning, but by noon I was better. When I got to work, with no makeup on and my eyes swollen, a cute boy buying a protein shake even told me I looked pretty. It made my day. And my coworker Belinda and send her 7-year-old son into my office with three beautiful flowers for me later in the afternoon after I told her what had happened. Which was the brightest highlight of my day. It literally brought tears to my eyes. Happy tears instead of angry, frustrated sad tears.

Who needs that stupid jerk anyway? I sure as hell don’t.