Single, No Chaser.

Reigniting an old flame leads to getting burned again June 5, 2009

Can reigniting an old flame lead to anything other than getting burned again? A few blog entries ago, I introduced EJ, a younger, less experienced love interest that came into my life like a sparking flame. We were both instantly drawn to one another and things were going fairly normal, until the dirty laundry started airing. His ex, Lady A, seemed to still be in the picture, and several words were exchanged between the three of us, all leading to the inevitable. EJ and I were no longer seeing each other.

Several months came and went, and he still managed to keep up with my whereabouts through mutual friends of ours. We’d even had our share of encounters while he was out with his girlfriend Lady A, awkward, but I held my head up high, and kept what was left of my dignity.

A couple of weeks ago, EJ came up in a conversation amongst mutual friends of him and mine. They mentioned he and Lady A were no longer together. I didn’t ask any questions, and pretended as though I hadn’t heard that part of the conversation. Despite all the damage EJ had caused me, and the less than friendly words that were exchanged, I have to admit I felt sorry for him. I forewarned him that his toxic relationship with Lady A would never go back to what it used to be, and I really hated to say, “I told you so” but I did tell him it would play out like it did.

A few days later, his best friend LS called me very late. As soon as I saw his number on my caller ID, my heart skipped a beat because I knew he was calling me to give me an update on EJ’s love life. Just as I assumed, that was LS’s reason for calling. We talked a bit, and he asked me to hold on for a second while he went to the kitchen for another drink. He set the phone down, and I heard rumbling in the background, then silence. Suddenly, I could hear the phone being picked up again, and to my surprise, LS was no longer on the other end, EJ was. He said hello, and I knew it was EJ right away. I can honestly say my heart began to beat at the speed of light. 

I remained quiet at first, but eventually said hello. I did what I did not want to do again…. I opened up the flood gates of communication. He asked how I had been, said he missed me, and apologized for all the pain he’d caused me. Very apologetic, and honest, I told him I’d forgiven him; otherwise, I would have never been able to move on with my life.  He asked if we could meet up for dinner on Saturday, and I turned the offer down. He began to text again, and I couldn’t help but blame myself for this. Had I  not continued to talk to him, the lines of communication would of not reopened. Most importantly, the old flame wouldn’t have reignited. There is an old saying, “where there was once a fire, ashes remain,” and I have to say that saying genuinely applies to us. It’s that attraction that remains there that keeps us wanting to see one another time and time again.

Against my own will, I gave in and agreed to see EJ for dinner. The chemistry was still there, and the fire seemed to reignite. For a little bit now, we’ve been in contact, but I know now that I cannot allow myself to become emotionally attached to EJ. He doesn’t exactly have a good track record when it comes to being 100% honest, but truth be told, we both enjoy each other’s company, conversations, not to mention the fact that we laugh at each other’s jokes, and enjoy so many of the same things. Although EJ and Lady A are no longer together, I couldn’t help but wonder if this is going to continue being his trend. Would he always run back to me when his relationships went sour? Would I always be there to pick up the broken pieces of his heart?

As much as it pains me to admit, I know what needs to be done from my end. I need to let it burn. Let this old flame burn out, and continue with my progress,  otherwise I will continue to waste valuable time on EJ that could be used towards my focus on finding myself. I am ready to fall…. in love that is, but this time around, when I fall, I want that special someone to be there to catch me. I look forward to finding love again, and finding someone who will be equally crazy about me, as I will be about him.

~Sometimes you make decisions you do not want to do, but in the end, it turns out to be the right choice after all.