Single, No Chaser.

Just when I was on the mend. April 14, 2009

I had been meaning to write a blog post for a long time. There is so much to talk about: my friend whose broken heart was rebroken because of her fear, my resolve to just be the best person I can be and let everything fall into place, another friend who is approaching her late 30s and isn’t looking at her singleness as a burden, but a positive.

But just as I was sitting down to write about how well I was doing getting over and around what’s his name, there is a message in my inbox.

Since it’s been awhile, let me catch you up.

Told a friend I had feelings for them. He didn’t feel the same. We resolved to stay friends. Four months later he says he’s engaged. Learned about it through a message, on a social networking site, that I initiated. Felt horrible because we didn’t share as close a friendship as I thought. Then I proceeded to end the friendship in the name of hurt emotions and feeling insulted. Self preservation had nothing to do with it at the time.

Caught up? Good.

So the blog post I wanted to write was that after two months of no interaction, I was doing well. I wanted to say I still missed our friendship and that there were times that I wanted to talk to him, ask him for advice or just have an interesting conversation. I also wanted to say that communication went both ways and he never bothered to even ask why I was upset. However, despite that, I stood by my decision and it was the correct one. That I wished him well on his nuptials and the rest of his life. That one day we would meet again,I would no longer be hurt and the two adults would have a civil conversation. And with all that, I was learning to live my life without, what I thought, was an integral cog in my existence.

But the blog post I AM going to write is about this message, this one sentence message from him recently. Paraphrased it goes something like this:

What do you mean we’re not friends anymore?

Brotha, puhleeze. Just like it sounds. We ain’t friends no more!

Could it be that an explanation is sought? Is this the start of negotiations? How is it that this gentleman does not know that for the past two months, my wounds are still healing but a bit sore?

I’ve toyed with the thought of answering the fine gentleman’s question with a direct approach, but frankly, he’s dead to me. At least for now.

I’m still mad. When I found out that a mutual friend of ours got a phone call about his engagement, not a social network message like I did, I got madder. Mad, mad, mad! And I intend to be for a VERY long time.

Again, I wish him well. I’m mad, not vicious. No plague of locust, no bald children, no curses.  But I AM part Cuban and there is only so much cheek turning I can do for certain people, ya know?

So let me be, fine gentleman. Try again two years from now. With any luck, I’ll be engaged and I can leave YOU out of the most important event of my life.

Since we’re such close friends and all.