Question of the day: What do you do when you see your ex? June 5, 2009
Posted by icediva in Attraction, dating, love, Lust, marriage, Men, Relationship, Single, Women.Tags: Attraction, boyfriend, break-ups, crazy, dating, drama, gifts, girly, love, marriage, Men, Relationship, relationships, Single, single life, single women, Women
add a comment
Okay so you just broke up or you haven’t seen him for ages but there is something about your ex that envokes a feeling or a reaction. It maybe a pleasant reaction about puppy love or a flash memory of feeling not so sexy.
Now imagine if you saw him buying an engagement ring…for someone else.
Thats today’s question of day. Click and answer away!
Guest blog: Men feel the wedding pressure too. May 7, 2009
Posted by icediva in Attraction, dating, marriage, Men, Relationship, Uncategorized.Tags: dating, marriage, Men, relationships, Women
1 comment so far
By Eve’s Lucky
The pressure to get hitched while you’re young obviously isn’t as big of a deal for a dude. Thank God.
I would never pretend to know what it’s like to feel the prenuptial stress a woman in her 20s – or, gulp, 30s – feels from our society’s invisible rulemakers.
But the standards for country living, at least in my experience, are a little different. I’m 26, with a good four single years left in me, I think. What I mean by the timeframe is it’ll be that long before I get serious about finding a wife.
Somebody from my tiny hometown (population about 900), though, might tell you I’m way past my prime. Three of the 28 members of my high school graduating class got married the summer after we finished.
One pair held out a whole year before the state formally recognized their couplehood .And it was then, during the summer of 2002, that I got the warning.
The wedding reception was at a country club in one of the bigger towns near our village (yes, that’s how it is categorized). Folks were tossing back Bud Lights and Amaretto sours so we could start dancing like it was senior prom again.
It wouldn’t have been impolite to pose the question while we were still in the Methodist Church, so a little alcoholic lubrication helped my lifelong female friend pose the question: “So when’s it going to be your turn?”
“Gosh, I’m only 19,” I said.”Exactly,” she said in the apparently all-knowing voice of a newlywed.
Explaining that life was a little different at my 25,000-student state university didn’t seem to ease her concerns. I had been there a whole year already and not found my life-long main squeeze? Most of our classmates had been able to do that in our high school, with far fewer romantic options with just about 120 students.
I was gambling with time, according to this one. And to be true, soon enough a lot of our friends would be popping out kids and working on cars as shade tree mechanics.
And by the next year, the concerned friend who was advising me would be split from her husband.
That conversation didn’t change my plans. While one part of the class of ’01 was signing divorce papers, I was signing up for my first (and only) college girlfriend. We considered marriage during the three years we dated, by the way.
Even without a change in my life’s course, I’ haven’t forgotten the talk. Fortunately I can extract myself from that small world with an even smaller mindset. I know a lot of women can’t really do that.
Technorati Tags: single life,wedding,marriage,men,women,relationships
Guest blog:“Prince Charming usually comes with a house” April 20, 2009
Posted by icediva in dating, Foreign, Men, Relationship, Single, Uncategorized, Women.Tags: Attraction, break-ups, dating, marriage, prince charming, relationships, Single
2 comments
By Angelita
I first heard that phrase from a man I affectionately call Dad, even though he’s not my dad. I’ve been trying to own my own house for the last five years. I had one right at the tips of my fingers once, but apparently I am not wanted in Texas. Due to a technicality, I’m not a San Antonio resident, I wasn’t able to purchase my dream home. I’m starting to realize I definitely don’t belong in Texas. Nope I belong in Tucson AZ.
Ahh lovely Tucson. I will be there soon. But there too I have been searching for a home of my own to own. It’s not working. I have been thinking about that phrase I heard about a year ago, almost two years really. Prince Charming usually comes with a house. What’s that gotta do with being single?
Well I have been single for the last 5 years. Single being divorced. I do hate that box on forms… any ways, there is something pulling me to Arizona and my childhood hometown, Tucson. I wish I could say it was the handsome and intelligent OF. This man has inspired me like no man before has done.
I met him four months ago when my life was literally upside down. My sister Dee had lost her newborn son to meningitis, my office had relocated from Kuwait to Dubai, one of my supervisors was a bit INSENSITIVE to her grieving employee’s needs, and I had my heart shattered by one man and then cracked by another in just three months. Meeting OF rearranged my world in the most positive ways.
I met him and fell in love instantly. I can honestly say he did too. Not because he told me he loved me or was in love with me, but because of his actions. This man turned my world right side up and set me back on the path I needed to be on. He pointed out my faults but in such a way, I desired to be different. I was inspired to change. There’s nothing like a complete stranger to point out your faults! He gave me hope in knowing that I can be loved fully. He showed me that there is nothing wrong with being intellectual. He gave me the inspiration to quit my overseas job like I truly wanted and to return home to go back to school full time. He took all that I dream and showed me that I didn’t have to fear my dreams or push them down. I can live my dreams as I want.
He gave me ME back. The light that once had been shut out of my eyes has returned. The happiness I thought was lost forever came flooding back into my life. The woman that once up on a time was so joyful and full of life has returned. I have opened my eyes to new thoughts and opened my heart to understanding so much more than before.
But here’s the kicker- OF is no longer part of my life. Not even as a friend. So yes dear friends, he is the one that got away. He’s the one that took my heart and soul and gave it to me, instead of taking it away. As I lay here tonight I think of my past and how I have come to this point and while I could be mad at him for the way he walked out of my life, I know that he gave me entirely too much for me to be angry at him.
I spoke to my ex husband tonight. It usually happens when I am at Starbucks working on my homework. Tonight I told him how I felt about something. I told him how deeply saddened I am that through all my educational success I am having with my current class, the praise from friends and family means nothing to me. While I know I can continue doing well in my classes, the fact that I cannot share my joy and my excitement over my success with OF makes me very sad. I know there are a lot of people that say get over it, it’s no big deal, he’s a loser, etc etc… but those opinions don’t matter to me. They don’t matter to me because I have never been inspired by a man and had such positive influence in my life by a man in all my life. I can’t remember a guy who has given me this much. Not one. No not even my ex husband. It pains me that I can’t even call this man my friend because really a friend would still be around right now and he’s not. My girls seem to think I am nuts and that I need to just move on. Don’t worry ladies, I am moving on – to Tucson. One day, I know that I want a man in my life that can inspire me and bring such positivity into my life like OF has done.
So here’s to Prince Charming and the one that got away. May they stay safe, be proud, be strong, stay positive and keep a watchful eye out. I am still here waiting patiently. Happy, loving, joyful, strong, and determined to keep on trudging onward with a smile on my face and hope in my heart and never forgetting that there’s someone out there for us all. New standards have been set, the walls have fallen down, and my mind is open to the possibilities of the world. I am not afraid any more.
Lessons from Brandy’s “marriage.” December 3, 2008
Posted by MsLady in love, Men, Rejection, Relationship, Single.Tags: brandy, life, marriage, mslady, music, Single, single mother
2 comments
www.mtv.com
R&B singer Brandy is back. She’s got a new album, Human, so she’s getting more publicity, including an interview with Vibe.com, “Girl, Interrupted.”
In the interview she talked openly about her “marriage.” An interview excerpt reads:”While Brandy called it a “spiritual union,” Smith would later reveal that their marriage and subsequent “divorce,” two years later, was never legal. It was a strategic publicity move pulled off to protect Brandy’s image. “
Something about those words, “protect her image” caused me to cringe.
Having children outside of marriage isn’t cool. But life happens. I know I went through the whole shame and embarrassment routine. But, at the end of the day, it is what it is. I hold my head up and do what I’ve got to do. It’s not easy, but I moved on.
But FAKING A MARRIAGE? Really. I know people deal with pressure in different ways, and I know she had a lot of young followers, but FAKING A MARRIAGE? Is that really the best alternative? For her it might have been. But, to me,the whole fiasco underscores how judgemental society can be. How people, especially public figures, aren’t allowed to “make mistakes,” which is a part of life. How being single, particularly a single parent, is such a horror that you have to disguise your status to avoid persecution.
Her Ex? wraps the issue in the interview by saying, “It’s really nothing to it. We had a child. The relationship didn’t work out. The bottom line is the friendship. The common denominator is our daughter…. You can’t be so mad at somebody who gave you that kind of a gift. So all the hoopla, the quote-unquote ‘marriage,’ whatever you want to call it…at the end of the day, we have a beautiful child, and I’m the happiest man on Earth. That’s really the logistics of it. No drama.”
What’s your take?
A long way to go November 11, 2008
Posted by alysette in Uncategorized.Tags: bitch, gay marriage, marriage, Women
add a comment
In the midst of all the hurrah’s about Obama being elected, you may have missed that California passed Prop 8, which would constitutionally limit marriage to being between one man and one woman.
You may think, hey, I don’t live in California and I’m not planning to marry someone of my gender anyhow, so why should I care?
Oh, if you’re a woman, you should care. You should care deeply, and you should care passionately.
Why? Because how society treats homosexuals is often a mirror of how it treats women. Why are those related? Women are regarded as the submissive sex, men as the dominant. A common perception of homosexuality is that “nature” is turned on its ear – a male is made submissive, a female dominate. Just look at the stereotypes of the ‘swishy’ gay guy who sews and the aggressive lesbian who is an auto mechanic. Jokes about straight men going to prison sum it all up – they don’t want to be someone’s bitch.
No matter where you stand on the marriage debate – or the homosexuality debate – you should look at the passage of Prop 8 and go, shit. We may have come a long way, baby, but we still have a hell of a long way to go. Women still earn less than men. The discrepancy between pay can average 5%, when compared job-to-job, or as much as 23% when considering a wide range of positions. Some of that is because women do go into lower paying fields – but some of that is because what women do isn’t valued as much as what men do.
I’m not sure where I stand on marriage – I find its current inception a very patriarchal construct. The work load (laundry, kids, dinner, cleaning) is still not evenly split: women do most of it. I know people who would never get married again, and I do have gay and lesbian friends who are committed to their partners, and would love the chance to celebrate and cement that commitment.
Marriage has been a business proposition up until the last hundred years or so, not a romantic one: that’s why so many legal rights are tied into it. A friend recently shared that a straight couple who had been together a long time just recently got married for that very reason – she got sick and he wasn’t family, so he wasn’t allowed to see her.
Personally, I think there ought to be a state-sanctioned marriage which would confer legal rights. Religion, of course, is a whole different matter. It always cracks me up when I see people screaming about the religious sanctity of marriage. Why? Up until the 1300s, the Catholic Church was against it. (That’s why Chaucer’s Wife of Bath says she took “five husbands at the church door” – no one was allowed to marry in church).
I’m sure there will be more coverage of this – it is a hot button topic. I realize that you may even oppose it, which is your right. But I hope you sit there and think what this fight says about your place as a woman in this society.
Guess what, girls? We’re all bitches. And we should start to wonder why being bitches is so damned bad.
