Ms. Lady says farewell May 8, 2009
Posted by MsLady in Attraction, dating, love, Men, Rejection, Relationship, sex, Thanks, Women.Tags: dating, life, love, montez, mslady, relationships
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I’ve been with the gang-banger, the NBA hopeful and an Island Breeze who all broke my heart. I thought I was too broken to find true love. I was jaded. A Bag Lady, who sang all the sad love songs Toni Braxton could ever croon.
But, Mr. Fresh aka Montez found me and loved me through it all. And now, I can proudly say, I’m no longer single.
I’m living proof that love will find you!
But it has to be in love’s time.
See, I could never have appreciated a Montez years ago when I wanted a brotha who was a little gritty on the edges, but who could still blend into mainstream and handle his business.
A man like Montez- smart, old-school charming, a little cocky but cut from fabric that’s downright southern genteel – would have passed by my radar. See, he demands of me to know my place as a woman.
Montez aka Mr. Fresh
That means, I have had to re-learn that I don’t have to carry the world on my shoulders. There’s an intended order where a partner comes and helps ease the load. I let him lead, he knows when to let me step up and when he better fall back.
Our love is beautiful.
But the first time I saw him I thought he was an inexperienced lil’ church guy who would be crushed by my bruised heart.
But, we worked it out. And now, it’s the strongest love I’ll ever know- or want to know.
Every tear I’ve cried, every wish I’ve sighed has all culminated in this: I’m his woman.
We’re planning the big celebration because we both know we’re finally home!
It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it every time I check myself, watching my tongue because he’s proven that he respects me so I need to respect him even in the heat of arguments. He’s proven that a man can learn a woman and can become excited by fulfilling her needs rather focusing on his. And this isn’t about physical needs, either.
This is about a yearning, a deep-down desire that we found in one another. Pure love.
Ladies, I wish you all well in your journey towards love.
And just know, for every lonely night, it’s a chance to learn you better.
For every potential mate, it’s a learning experience on what works and what doesn’t work for you.
But, most of all, this is encouragement that this journey you’re on isn’t for nothing. Every hurt, longing, passionate scream and empty feeling you’ve ever felt WILL culminate when you look into his face. And you will know when the man staring back at you is yours forever.
Thanks for listening to snippets of my experience.
It’s offered me healing, and I hope it’s offered you a bit of inspiration to continue pushing forward.
So I bid you farewell, but not before I say: when it comes to your dating journey, some will ask what’s love got to do with it?
I answer: Everything!
The “double-date” January 29, 2009
Posted by MsLady in Attraction, dating, love, Relationship, Single.Tags: Attraction, dating, life, love, montez, mslady
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So, by now you know me and Montez are a thing. We’re a “couple.” So, my single status is no longer– unless Uncle Sam is asking. Then, I’m still single.
Anyway, my friend, D from ATL was in town today, and she’s good and married. She met me with her husband at a great Mexican spot. And, Montez came.
It was so funny watching how they responded to us. How happy they said I looked. How cute we were. We exchanged the “how’d you meet?” stories, and her husband, who went to high school with me, tried to play me out– tried to air my high school and college ridiculousness to Montez… so what if a sista had one of those shirts with the backs out.
Lunch had a good vibe. Just like my relationship with Montez. And it’s not just “warm and fuzzies.” It’s through the tears, too. He’s stood by my side and been my strength when life was just plain wrong and ugly. And, even then, I still felt loved and protected.
It’s all got me wondering, seriously, now about changing my response when Uncle Sam asks that question.
See, there’s this guy… December 29, 2008
Posted by MsLady in Attraction, dating, Friendship, love, Men, Single, Thanks.Tags: Attraction, commitment, dating, montez, mslady, Single, single mama
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You already know him as Montez.
But, more and more, he’s becoming my true love. We sat on the phone last night talking until 3 a.m., just like we did when we first met about nine months ago.
And the conversation was so pure, so delightful and so… us.
See, the thing that worked so well with us is that we were genuine with one another.
He had come into my life when I was sick of the dating scene and it’s destruction and drama. I was content with being single…not completely satisfied, but content. Besides, there’s two other little people I have to factor into my dating equation – my kids.
Before he even got involved with me, he made one of the most important decisions – he chose to love them, and know them as much, if not more, than he loves me.
He knows the intricacies of their lives, just like he’s taken time to know the intricacies of mine.
He knows what makes me happy – from plastering pictures of our smiling faces all over my bedroom wall to putting a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in my freezer.
He knows how my daughter loves Hannah Montana, and he listens to her tunes (as horrible as they can be, lol) with the patience of Job. And he has crowned my son, Junior Buckets on the basketball court.
We’re fam.
We’ve talked through our hopes, hurts, joys and pains.
It’s the cement that’s bonded our bond.
And, now, we’re at the point where my “single” status could be morphing into a new title that has everything to do with a life commitment rather than a dating title.
It’s a beautiful thing.
But I could never have appreciated him, or his goodness without the complexities of my single days.
So, for what it’s worth, heed the lessons. Feel the pain. Enjoy your highs (which include dancing, flirting or talking with whoever) while you can.
And, know the difference between a good man and a good time.
I’m glad I’ve got a good man who’s made it a priority to give me the best times of my life.
Single shouldn’t mean foolish December 22, 2008
Posted by MsLady in Uncategorized.Tags: Attraction, christmas, montez, mslady, relationships, Single
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Looking over this past year, I have to say I’m fortunate in terms of my growing relationship with Montez. I met a good guy. I know so many women who are wishing and searching to experience what I’m enjoying – a good relationship.
And it’s made me look back at the ridiculousness I was accepting last year in order to date every now and then when my single status was a major stumbling block, or so I thought.
And I’m looking at friends now who accept men who hang up on them, who stand them up on dates, who disrespect them, who accept my girls paying their bills all because my girls don’t want to be lonely.
I was there.
But I stepped out of that game, much of my self-worth intact, fortunately.
That’s when I figured out how to be single and healthy. When men become a complement not your sustenance.
Even now, Montez adds to me. He takes nothing away.
And so, as we approach celebrations of love, reflection and hope, I wish for all my single sisters to love themselves more than the foolishness and see if you don’t find yourself in a better position with or without that man.
What to get him December 18, 2008
Posted by MsLady in love, Men, Relationship, Thanks, Women.Tags: christmas, gifts, montez, mslady
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Christmas. What a test. Though gift-giving is not the main reason for the season, it’s a big part of the season, and that leaves someone like me a bit nervous because I’m wondering what to get Montez.
I don’t want to do too much… (and there is such a thing when there’s a new guy in your life and your first Christmas rolls around). But I don’t want to do too little either.
He’s really showing and proving. And I want him to know, beyond “thank you” how I’m enjoying him.
Gifts. They’re unwritten tests in relationships. You can give from the heart, but what if our hearts aren’t in-sync over what’s a good gift for him or not. I’ve given from the pocketbook before (just to show I could) and got an unhappy, unappreciative and embarrassed response from the recipient (you didn’t have to spend that much money on me, what’s wrong with you?-type deal). Or I could go sentimental, but I’m pretty good about telling him how I feel on the daily.
So, that leaves me with a big question mark. What to give Montez…
This is going to be interesting.
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