Single, No Chaser.

Three little letters October 15, 2008

S-E-X.

Those three little letters put together have wreaked some havoc on my life.

I often felt so mentally guilty and wrong for partaking in sex’s physical pleasure outside of marriage’s covenant, especially as a person of faith. And, yet, I’d partake.

Compound the mental anguish with the complete despair of having the act create life unexpectedly. I remember the weeks I spent praying for forgiveness and working to overcome the embarrassment of an unplanned pregnancy. Several weeks passed before the embarrassment transformed to rejoice — a new life was upon me! My glow was fierce!

My celebration didn’t last long.

Several weeks later, my womb became a tomb.

The feelings of shame, guilt and overall hopelessness washed over my body. I got sick thinking I was carrying death where life should have been.

I hated sex. But, in time, I couldn’t keep away from it.

Years pass. Two children born, and the beauty of its purpose is revealed to me.

It’s been a journey; one that could have been much easier had I been much more mentally responsible.

I’m just grateful that I was more often than not physically responsible about my journey with those three little letters. That S-E-X for me didn’t morph into three other little letters – HIV or four – AIDS.

Today is National Latino AIDS Awareness Day. Though I’m not Latina, I am a woman. And women, particularly women of color, are contracting those other three letters at an alarming rate.

I routinely get tested. It’s a good habit even though I’m not irresponsible about those three little letters as I once was.

Though it took some years, I’m finally at peace with those three little letters. Are you?