Guest blog: You can’t have it your way May 6, 2009
Posted by icediva in Uncategorized.Tags: Attraction, break-ups, dating, Men, Relationship, relationships, single life, single mother, Women
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By Melody Grey
his isn’t Burger King and you can’t have it your way’
I felt like saying every time I would finally get to speak to K. If he hadn’t flashed that smile and if he didn’t have that brain I might have been able to. Unfortunately for me, I’m a sucker for smart and funny; add good looking, and I’m a mess.
Oh and a mess he made me! He was a crisp dollar bill put in the hands of an eager five year-old at the candy aisle. I could picture how far we could go together. A man that could talk politics and was a self-admitted geek but oozed the sex appeal of a hundred men. Our lengthy conversations dripped with sarcasm, wit, creativity and oh-so-sexy undertones. When it started we would talk every night. Then, not so often. Then when I’d call I’d go to voicemail. Eventually, if I sent a text or call I’d have to wait a couple of days for a reply. So there I was, texting back every time the rare occasion arose when I’d see a message from him, longing to spend time with him, inviting him to places, to lunch, to dinner, to watch me fold my sexy under things—anything that would get me in the proximity of his charm and wit. A love sick puppy? A love struck teenager? NO! I was 30 yrs (plus) and here I was pining away for K.
I couldn’t pin it down. What was it that had me in this uncontrollable spin? I tried to stop craving a morsel of him. Nothing worked. Then one day it happened. It ALL stopped. I wondered if it had been me. No, he said it he liked to be ‘chased’ too. When I had invited him places it hadn’t been overbearing, even if it was more chasing than I had ever done I’d made sure I didn’t look desperate. It ran it consistently in the background of my thoughts for weeks and wondered where the interest had gone. But I was determined that if he kicked me out of his life so easily that I would be stronger than this, this THING. And just when I thought I’d never hear from K again…
The text read, ‘what you doing?’ ‘What you doing?’…hmmm What you doing?! WHAT YOU DOING?!?! Like we had just spoken a few hours ago? Like we had just spent an afternoon together? Like it hadn’t been months since he’d dropped out? Like I was really going to answer? But I did. I could kick myself but the memories of the time we spent ‘together’ were so overpowering. So it started back up, his calls and messages and e-mails. And I was dizzy and giddy and loved it. At our ‘first’ meeting I wondered if his lips would be as soft as before, as if somehow time had eroded the luscious plumpness off his face. There I was in the same trap, the same hole. I went through the motions, went to his place, stayed two feet away from him, stayed focused on the movie, and stayed determined to leave when the movie ended. Undoubtedly, I stayed way too late.
In painfully slow motion I finally saw his body inch towards me, my heart careening off track. “YES! YES!’ I thought. ‘NO! STOP!” I said. Did my lips betray me? Was that really me? It couldn’t have been. My lips were mouthing something my heart didn’t understand. ‘This isn’t Burger King and you CAN’T have it your way,’ they said. I walked out of that apartment alone, not having felt his kiss again. Instead, I felt that as painful as it was, I was me again. A woman who has learned that just because the crisp five dollar bill can get me a lot of sugar and I want it, doesn’t mean I should have it. I didn’t want that sick feeling in my stomach afterward.
Lessons from Brandy’s “marriage.” December 3, 2008
Posted by MsLady in love, Men, Rejection, Relationship, Single.Tags: brandy, life, marriage, mslady, music, Single, single mother
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www.mtv.com
R&B singer Brandy is back. She’s got a new album, Human, so she’s getting more publicity, including an interview with Vibe.com, “Girl, Interrupted.”
In the interview she talked openly about her “marriage.” An interview excerpt reads:”While Brandy called it a “spiritual union,” Smith would later reveal that their marriage and subsequent “divorce,” two years later, was never legal. It was a strategic publicity move pulled off to protect Brandy’s image. “
Something about those words, “protect her image” caused me to cringe.
Having children outside of marriage isn’t cool. But life happens. I know I went through the whole shame and embarrassment routine. But, at the end of the day, it is what it is. I hold my head up and do what I’ve got to do. It’s not easy, but I moved on.
But FAKING A MARRIAGE? Really. I know people deal with pressure in different ways, and I know she had a lot of young followers, but FAKING A MARRIAGE? Is that really the best alternative? For her it might have been. But, to me,the whole fiasco underscores how judgemental society can be. How people, especially public figures, aren’t allowed to “make mistakes,” which is a part of life. How being single, particularly a single parent, is such a horror that you have to disguise your status to avoid persecution.
Her Ex? wraps the issue in the interview by saying, “It’s really nothing to it. We had a child. The relationship didn’t work out. The bottom line is the friendship. The common denominator is our daughter…. You can’t be so mad at somebody who gave you that kind of a gift. So all the hoopla, the quote-unquote ‘marriage,’ whatever you want to call it…at the end of the day, we have a beautiful child, and I’m the happiest man on Earth. That’s really the logistics of it. No drama.”
What’s your take?
A gold-diggin’ single mama I am not! October 23, 2008
Posted by MsLady in Attraction, dating, Single.Tags: gold digger, Men, money, single mother
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www.fotosearch.com
It’s hard to date as a single mother. Not only do you have to put the drama of your ex in its place, not only do you have to deal with balancing your man and your children, you have to deal with ignorant comments from people who know nothing about you except for your status as a “single mother.”
The latest ignorant flip: Am I looking for a sponsor?
Just because I am a “single mother” doesn’t mean I’m looking for a “sponsor” for my kids. I’m not holding my hand out looking for a man to support me and mine.
No. I’m doing for self. I’m college-educated, locally-celebrated and blessed beyond measure.
It took me a long time to get over the stigma of that “single mother” label. Yes, I did feel like a failure for a relationship that was broken. Yes, I was concerned about how I would be able to financially make it. And, yes, money is tight. But, somehow, we make it. And it’s not because of a man. It’s because of the integrity I have as a woman to work hard and provide the best that I can.
How dare anyone say I’m looking for a sponsor. They don’t know how hard I try to balance a heavy workload – that sometimes lasts 12 hours – with precious mommy time. They don’t know the guilt I sometimes feel when daycare providers see my children’s faces more than I do during the week. They don’t see how I give 100-plus percent of myself for my children so they won’t go without no matter how tired, sick or lethargic I feel.
Single mothers who are about something don’t have time to look for a sponsor because we’re providing all on our own!!!
Gold diggers have their place. I’m beholden to no man because of his money. That’s weak, pathetic and desperate. Single mother label or not, I’m none of the above.
Think about that, oh ignorant one, before you open your mouth and EVER ask that question, “Am I looking for a sponsor” again.
