Question of the day: What do you do when you see your ex? June 5, 2009
Posted by icediva in Attraction, dating, love, Lust, marriage, Men, Relationship, Single, Women.Tags: Attraction, boyfriend, break-ups, crazy, dating, drama, gifts, girly, love, marriage, Men, Relationship, relationships, Single, single life, single women, Women
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Okay so you just broke up or you haven’t seen him for ages but there is something about your ex that envokes a feeling or a reaction. It maybe a pleasant reaction about puppy love or a flash memory of feeling not so sexy.
Now imagine if you saw him buying an engagement ring…for someone else.
Thats today’s question of day. Click and answer away!
Too successful for love? May 13, 2009
Posted by icediva in Attraction, dating, love, marriage, Men, Relationship, Women.Tags: Attraction, dating, girly, love, Men, single life, single women, Women
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Once upon a time I had this crush on a boy. Man, did I like him. Handsome. Funny but in a corky way, not in the stand-up comedian way.
I tried to hang out with him, get to know him a little bit. But no fish on the hook. So I asked Guy Pal D one day:
“Hey, what gives?”
Guy Pal D grins as he laid on my couch during our weekly movie sessions.
“You’re intimidating.”
“Intimidating?”
“Yes, intimidating. Even I’m afraid of you.”
Granted that once I’m upset, the angry black woman in me is unattractive but that doesn’t happen often enough. At my core, I’m mildly shy (believe it) even though I’m out-going. Intimidating? What does that mean.
And then the guy I had a crush on started dating someone else. Someone not intimidating. She was girlier the color pink, worked as a waitress and didn’t have any other aspirations, didn’t really talk (unless she was talking about people behind their backs) and never questioned anyone or anything.
That’s when I realized that all my success, though moderate, is intimidating to men.
Now, I’m not saying I’m a millionaire or that I own patents to miracle inventions but I work and make my own money. I don’t rely on anyone other than myself.
Those virtues have become my downfall and have kept me single for most of my 31 years of life.
Tracy Cox, relationship expert at Ivillage.com. says that people’s intimidation is their problem not yours.
I disagree. It is our problem as well as theirs. If we are conditioned to act one way at work, which is were we spend more of our time, then how do we act during our free time. Are we harsh and business like? Are we assertive and direct? Are these the attributes that attract the type of men we want to be with?
Let’s face it. In corporate America, there is no crying, not sweetness or niceness allowed. Most especially if you work as a journalist. There is only enough room for an instinctual kill and that does not a good date make.
I don’t know about anyone else but during my free time, I’m the girl. I want to be the girl. I want to be girlier than the color pink. I want to wear pretty dresses and look nice and be taken out on an enchanted evening.
I know that’s not too much to ask for but if I keep intimidating men, all I’ll be able to ask for is a sturdy handshake while he eyes the delicate flower in the corner.
He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not… Learning to Survive the Singles Scene from Daisy of Love May 11, 2009
Posted by icediva in Attraction, Daisy of Love, dating, love, Men, Reality shows, sex, Women.Tags: Attraction, Daisy of Love, dating, Men, Reality shows, relationships, Women
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Editor’s Note: This is the first day of a regular column, Love Watch with Katy Byrd. Katy, a reality TV fan will blog about Daisy of Love and give her keen insights about Daisy and her boys. Look for her weekly column here every Monday afternoon.
By Katy Byrd
One of my earliest memories of my father was him telling me that we lived in a man’s world and I needed to get used to it. I distinctly remember laughing in his face. I don’t remember how old I was but I do know that I wasn’t even in school yet. I have always been this way.
Being single is similar to walking across a mine field. It’s scary out there. If you don’t have good friends to help you steer through the crazies, weirdoes, perverts, and freaks, and to support you in your stumbles, then you could get seriously hurt. What I needed was some kind of gaydar for guys, or guydar. After all we are the women. We are the prize. We do not chase or pay for the date. We are meant to be worshipped and treated as such. Those guys do exist and if you can’t find many of them it’s because we have let the men get away with treating us that way.
This brings me to the purpose of this blog. The only way to really learn in life is to do, or watch someone else make an ass out of themselves and learn from their mistakes. Daisy of Love, for those of you who don’t know, is about Daisy De La Hoya who we have seen on Rock of Love when she was competing for the “heart” of Brett Michaels forever and ever the end. Needless to say she was not chosen and the VH1 gods have blessed her with her own reality show. Daisy is now working on a career in music and modeling… blah…blah… blah. We can however watch Daisy and all of these guys on the show make complete and absolute fools of themselves and learn something from the process.
From my experience the best way to start eliminating potential drama and/or bad decisions is to know what you are dealing with in the amount of time it would take you to finish the evening’s first drink.
In watching the show I kept getting these flashes of bad mistakes or red flags I had seen while dating and there they were on the show! I guess it doesn’t matter how fake your boobs are or how much they paid you to do this on TV, we all have the same issues. So here are a few from Sunday’s show I noticed:
- The Guy Who Lies About His Ex.
WHOA BABY! “Brooklyn” got busted! He told Daisy he was single and guess what? His girlfriend or EX girlfriend is calling the house. Hello drama!
Come on ladies we know this guy. He is the one who tries to pick you up in the bar (or some other tacky place) and is always distracted. He never looks you in the eye and can’t commit to anything but trying to get you drunk and have sex with you. Sorry but yeah that’s all he wants. I don’t care how hot he is, you are just a good opportunity.
So what happens on the show? The same thing that will happen to you if you think you can “change” his mind. Brooklyn realized that everyone knew how shady he was and left the show before he was eliminated. This guy might go home with you but he won’t stay. The best solution to handle a guy like this is to make him commit and take it slow. He won’t last long and you might even get a free dinner out of it instead of just being a booty call.
- The Insecure Guy Who Tries Too Hard and Gets Waaaaay Too Aggressive Really Fast.
Right… so “Big Rig” couldn’t communicate and got all upset cause he was rudely interrupted. He felt like his territory was being invaded. What was his solution? He found Daisy in a crowd of men and grabbed her by the face and kissed her all forceful like.
Now, I like a man who can take charge but there are boundaries. That was not romantic or sexy in any way. This is the kind of guy who stalks. This is the guy who you get into a relationship with and he gets really attached really fast before you even have the chance to like him or make sure that you like him. Then the next thing you know you are in a committed relationship and aren’t allowed to see all of your friends ’cause he dosen’t like them or just wants you all to himself.
This guy will lock you into a conversation the first time you meet him and won’t let you go. Come up with a quick excuse and get out of there before he cries or picks a fight with the really hot guy next to you who is laughing.
- The Guy Who Thinks That His Looks Will Suck You In Like a Tractor Beam. “
“Fox” decided that he didn’t need to try to get Daisy’s attention tonight but instead felt that he was so good looking that she would just be blown away and gravitate toward him.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Ok so this guy is a little too neat and clean. Look for waxed eyebrows and a manicure. You might even find a mirror nearby. I doubt that he can even go long periods of time without grooming himself. He expects you to come to him. It’s not worth your time. You can use this guy’s ego to buy you and ALL of your girlfriends’ shots that night but lose him and go find someone who will be good in bed. This cocky jerk might make sure you have an orgasm the first time (maybe) but any time after that (if he actually calls you again) will be all about him and you better hope you go first.
- Mister Mixed Signals.
“Tool Box” Was all aggressive and sexy with Daisy on the show, but after she was gone and he got drunk he decided to share with the other guys. Toolbox didn’t have very nice things to say. We have all met this guy. He makes it sound like he really likes us and wants a future. This is where the saying “actions speak louder than words” comes in. If you are meeting men and it seems too good to be true it just might be. Don’t rush anything. Don’t take anyone too seriously the first time you meet them. Keep it light. If he just bought you yet another drink or pushes things too fast take a break. Be very honest with him about what you want in life and don’t play games. Make him step up to the plate and do the work.
The elimination this week was Cable Guy (mr. non aggressive) and Toolbox (yaaaaay) with the ugly Mohawk.
That’s it for now ladies! I would love to know if you have any comments or questions. Juat remember ladies…
Stay Strong and keep your integrity. You never have to walk home in the morning in shame if you integrity is still intact..
XOXO Katybyrd
Guest blog: Men feel the wedding pressure too. May 7, 2009
Posted by icediva in Attraction, dating, marriage, Men, Relationship, Uncategorized.Tags: dating, marriage, Men, relationships, Women
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By Eve’s Lucky
The pressure to get hitched while you’re young obviously isn’t as big of a deal for a dude. Thank God.
I would never pretend to know what it’s like to feel the prenuptial stress a woman in her 20s – or, gulp, 30s – feels from our society’s invisible rulemakers.
But the standards for country living, at least in my experience, are a little different. I’m 26, with a good four single years left in me, I think. What I mean by the timeframe is it’ll be that long before I get serious about finding a wife.
Somebody from my tiny hometown (population about 900), though, might tell you I’m way past my prime. Three of the 28 members of my high school graduating class got married the summer after we finished.
One pair held out a whole year before the state formally recognized their couplehood .And it was then, during the summer of 2002, that I got the warning.
The wedding reception was at a country club in one of the bigger towns near our village (yes, that’s how it is categorized). Folks were tossing back Bud Lights and Amaretto sours so we could start dancing like it was senior prom again.
It wouldn’t have been impolite to pose the question while we were still in the Methodist Church, so a little alcoholic lubrication helped my lifelong female friend pose the question: “So when’s it going to be your turn?”
“Gosh, I’m only 19,” I said.”Exactly,” she said in the apparently all-knowing voice of a newlywed.
Explaining that life was a little different at my 25,000-student state university didn’t seem to ease her concerns. I had been there a whole year already and not found my life-long main squeeze? Most of our classmates had been able to do that in our high school, with far fewer romantic options with just about 120 students.
I was gambling with time, according to this one. And to be true, soon enough a lot of our friends would be popping out kids and working on cars as shade tree mechanics.
And by the next year, the concerned friend who was advising me would be split from her husband.
That conversation didn’t change my plans. While one part of the class of ’01 was signing divorce papers, I was signing up for my first (and only) college girlfriend. We considered marriage during the three years we dated, by the way.
Even without a change in my life’s course, I’ haven’t forgotten the talk. Fortunately I can extract myself from that small world with an even smaller mindset. I know a lot of women can’t really do that.
Technorati Tags: single life,wedding,marriage,men,women,relationships
SNC Question and post of the day: What do you find attractive in a mate? May 6, 2009
Posted by icediva in Attraction, dating, Men, Women.Tags: Attraction, boyfriend, dating, love, Men, Relationship, relationships, Single, single life, single women, Women
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This is a toughy but a goodie. What makes you sit up and take notice. Is it their eyes? Sense of humor? How they look in their jeans?
Click on the anwser below or write in your own answer.
Want to give an explanation? Click on comment and type away.
